A Thought

Wherever there is a 'last', there is also a 'first.

Astronomy and 'Bachism'

This is what Richard Bach had to say tonight....on the eve of the 'Grand Finale'

Any different spacetime is a dream
for a good sane Earthling,
which you are going to be
for a little while yet.

Touched By A Blessing

This was sent to me by a woman I met at the Y. She has been free of cancer for 9 years. What a gift it has been to have her enter my life.


A Blessing for a Friend on the Arrival of Illness

Now is the time of dark invitation beyond a frontier you did not expect
Abruptly, your old life seems distant
You barely noticed how each day opened a path through fields never questioned
Yet expected deep down to hold treasure
Now your time on earth becomes full of thresh
Before your eyes your future shrinks
You lived absorbed in the day to day so continuous with everything around you that you could forget that you were separate
Now this dark companion has come between you
Distances have opened in your eyes
You feel it against your will
A stranger has married your heart
Nothing has made you feel so isolated and lost
When the reverberations of shock subside in you
May grace come to restore you to balance
May it shape a new space in your heart to embrace this illness as a teacher who has come to open your life to new worlds
May you find in yourself a courageous hospitality towards what is difficult, painful and unknown
May you learn to use this illness as a lantern to illuminate the new qualities that will emerge in you
May the fragile harvesting of this slow light help to release whatever has become false in you
May you trust this light to clear a path through all the fog of old unease and anxiety until you feel a rising within you, tranquility profound enough to call the storm to stillness
May you find the wisdom to listen to your illness
Ask it why it came
~ John O'Donahue

Gracias Is Not Enough!

Only the 'tip of the iceberg' of the people I have to thank for the incredible support through this part of the journey!

Good Riddance Radiation

Tomorrow is the supposed 'Grand Finale'.
The last walk to the 'linear accelerator'.
The final burn.
The discharge from radiation treatment.

No more cheesy gown and robe.
No more nestling into the customized headrest.
No more dressing and undressing 8 times before 8 a.m.

Shouldn't I be ecstatic?
Shouldn't I be jumping for joy?
Shouldn't I be ready to look back and say "ADIOS" to shedding tears?

I know I shouldn't "should" on myself but to tell you the truth, I'm a bit scared.

Now what?
Is my cancer gone?
Am I free?
Will my spirit quickly return?
What about this exhaustion?
And what about my dear old friend 'Normal'?

In the words of my wise friend Sally, this 'piece' of the journey will soon be behind me...and to that I can say GOOD RIDDANCE! May I NEVER meet this storm again!

Superzap

The 'Boost' has begun. The 'linear accelerator' is now directing electrons instead of photons into the area where the cancer was removed. IF this cancer is to return, it is likely to come back to the same place so the 'boost' gives that specific area a "superzap". The radiated area has shrunk which means the sunburn that has been sneaking in on my upper chest can now mellow out and turn to a permatan. The sunburn where the "superzap" is happening will intensify.

TODAY was my LAST MONDAY of radiation FOREVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (hopefully)

My Little Secret Revealed

It was my first day back at work today. No students. Just a few teachers in the building. After being sucked into the blackhole of grouping my students for a field trip taking place in three weeks, I took a short break and walked to the copy machine. I was halfway to the lounge when it dawned on me.....CANCER HADN'T CROSSED MY MIND FOR AN ENTIRE WAKING HOUR!!!!!!!!!!! I was SO excited and broke my wonderful news to the first teacher friend I saw (at the copy machine of course, since that is where much of teacher socializing takes place).

Winter break is every teacher's DREAM (next to summer vacation and spring break)! Despite having many chats with myself and trying to talk myself into the wonderfulness of winter break, I hesitantly admit that it has been difficult for me.
Every day (except weekends and the 2 holidays) began with a radiation treatment.
There it is.
First thing in the morning.
CANCER.
In my face.
Then what? Go for a hike? Go for lunch? Go to the YMCA?
True. The day can only improve after starting with treatment, but it was sometimes difficult to pull myself out of that big dark radiation cloud.

As my teacher friends hunch over, expel a little groan and say, "I'm not ready to go back", I have secretly been thinking, "I'm kind of excited to go back." I'll still have cancer in my face every morning (for 14 more days), but I will then have a destination. A distraction. Seventh grade minds to mold.
There you have it. I fessed up. Hopefully the teachers I see at the copy machine tomorrow won't roll their eyes at me.
However, I must admit, I will probably be ready for summer vacation when the time rolls around.

Happy Snow

I'm HAPPY to say that I am recovering from a wonderfully snowy ski day at Monarch on Saturday and a wonderfully gentle snowy day ski touring near St. Elmo today!
A quiet gentle snow is such a peaceful thing!